I Had a Hyperfixation Wear Off and Now My Life Feels Like a Black Hole
Neurodivergent hyperfixations—amazing or awful?
When I was a child, I spent a lot of time alone.
I found ways to escape the quiet and lonely life I lived in, and the expansive blank white walls through hyperfixations.
These obsessions became my entire reality.
I thought through every detail—especially in classes while I was supposed to be listening—sketching, doing equations and more. I thrived in the worlds, the making, the feelings, the details and they felt like a high I rode till the wave fizzled out.
Reading, video games, creating board games, drawings, and most of all: writing books.
Across my wall in my bedroom was a cork board filled with sketches, a language I created, magazines I had ripped up, maps I had drawn. I loved world building—those other worlds were sandboxes beyond the hell of reality I was living. I could escape to them in my mind whenever I needed.
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring was one of my biggest fixations. I was thirteen when it came out in theaters and I remember being completely and utterly enthralled—particularly by one blonde elf. The books had been my favorite but when that video hit the VHS tape, I had every word memorized.
I recited the entire movie script as I ran the miles in cross country (which I hated but it was for a boy—something completely irrelevant to this essay lol).
I still have one of my old board games, spanning a poster board with a million little pieces precisely cut—stashed away in our basement somewhere. One of the *many* projects I’ve done—and one of the few that I’ve actually completed.
Recently, I had a BIG hyperfixation—that filled my every thought with child-like joy and obsession—fizzle out. And in its wake, I’ve been left in a black hole of misery. Just in time to watch Netflix’s new K-pop Demon Hunters every day since its release (sometimes twice a day) and memorize the lyrics to “This is What it Sounds Like” with tears in my eyes as it played from my Spotify on repeat.
There has been many “obsessions”—punch needling, plants (ask me anything about plants), the enneagram, chess…I once ordered $200 worth of alcohol markers in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep and dealt with the dread for weeks (for spending that much money) as I poured into making intricate paper dolls with all sorts of accessories and details.
“We call that a neurodivergent hyperfixation,” my therapist told me yesterday.
No shit, I thought and said something a little nicer out loud, “I just don’t know what to do about it. I am in the in between and feeling a lot of tough things. In general, I feel like I’m not okay. What do I do?”
Is hyperfixation in the DSM? Or listed as a symptom?
Since this has become a pattern for me (and I bet for many others), I wondered what psychological material we have on this intense focus and crash. Is it listed under a diagnosis in the DSM or a symptom? The answer is: no. It’s strangely not something we talk a lot about in therapy and it hasn’t been explored thoroughly (although there are some studies—cited below). We do know it can be tied to ADHD, autism, sometimes DID (dissociation identity disorder), and schizophrenia.
What I did find out: Hyperfixation is the experience of an intense, prolonged focus on a specific activity, topic, or interest—to the extent that other needs, responsibilities, or cues from the environment are ignored¹. Unlike typical interests, hyperfixations persist deeply and may lead to losing track of time, forgetting to eat, or skipping essential tasks².
While not a formal diagnostic symptom, hyperfixation is commonly observed in neurodivergent populations—especially those with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). It may manifest as “special interests” in autism or intense focus episodes in ADHD, fueled in part by dopamine dysregulation in the brain³.
So, hyperfixations—good or bad?
In the wake of a missing obsessive focus, I’ve wondered if this kind of insanely intense focus is good or bad. Is it worth diving in so deep that reality blurs and then life hits like a ton of bricks?
Have you had this experience?
Pros:
I feel drunk on enthusiasm and this sort of euphoric high that’s hard to explain. The deeper into the details I go, the more the sensation plays out. I think the closest thing I can compare it to is falling in love for the first time. The sensation feels like it changes brain chemistry.
And if we look into that, studies have shown that early romantic love activates the brain’s reward circuitry—especially areas rich in dopamine, like the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and caudate nucleus—mirroring the same neural pathways engaged by addictive substances such as cocaine⁴.
Insane, right?
I’ve never had cocaine, but that description checks with my experience of hyperfixations.
Cons:
The crash.
Once a hyperfixation has worn off, it never gives the same kind of hit. The euphoria is gone and in its wake is a devastating crash landing into reality. And depending on the reality being hit, this can cause a mountain of feeling—an overwhelm of the system.
Afterwards, a sort-of withdrawal happens: irritability and for sure depression.
Another con is the removal from reality while swept up in the fixation. The focus becomes more of a reality than the one I’m in. My actual physical and mental presence feels black and white while the obsession is in color.
My reality has no luster and to do basic tasks, I have to do what feels like “ripping” myself from the focus—paying attention to someone talking or reminding myself that I do like food and my husband (most of the time).
So is it worth it? And is this something we can manage a bit better?
Hyperfixation is both a gift and a ghost. It brings wonder and color and creation—sometimes more magic than the real world can hold. But it also demands a price: presence, balance, sometimes even wellbeing.
So, is it worth it?
If we let it consume every ounce of ourselves—maybe not. The high highs and devastating crashes feel like a roller coaster for the nervous system. I think it would be helpful to have more of a balance. Yet seeking balance in a way is also a balance.
In Eat. Pray. Love. Liz (played by the beautiful Julia Roberts) says to Ketut, “I couldn’t keep my balance.” After she has left a man she fell head-over-heels for. She had loved him but was too afraid of losing herself again to love—to a man.
Ketut replied, “To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.”
It’s a phrase that has stayed with me all these years.
So sometimes, it’s okay to be swept up in love. This is part of living a balanced life. And at the same time, if this “being swept up” becomes a pattern that overall, is causing a repetitive negative impact in our lives, maybe it’s time to take a closer look and see where we can find more equanimity.
Can we manage it better?
For me—I think managing hyperfixations better looks like grounding in the presence of my reality in doses that feel safe. Which means attuning to the five senses in goodness. Allowing my consciousness to inhale actual positive things about my reality and exhale hypervigilence.
I also think looking at our diagnosis and pain points holistically can help tremendously. I have diagnoses CPTSD due to severe abuse in adolescence. Fixations when I was young seemed to be a safe place beyond the white walls and existential loneliness.
A coping mechanism that held me in childhood, now in adulthood is causing some harm.
For me, I think this management looks like allowing this same kind of joy I receive from a hyperfixation into my normal, day-to-day life. Instead of escaping and disassociating—maybe leaning in just a bit, in a way that feels okay and safe would be helpful.
I think this means, allowing goodness to fill my chest when I sit down on the play rug when our youngest is playing Magna-Tiles. It’s taking in the details of our home that I love and can overlook so easily in the rush of life. It’s allowing a smile come to my face as I pause and snuggle our dog in the morning—because he’s always so sleepy and snuggly when I wake up!
And most of all, for me, it’s allowing the imperfections in my life be a part of the path. Instead of escaping them—accepting their presence and allowing the idea of their importance to sink in as well as my own capabilities to overcome.
Balance indeed.
Each one of us has our own.
Conclusion
Hyperfixations feel like a part of some of our lives—especially those of us on the neurodivergent end of things. It feels like a reality and normal part of existence. They can be invigorating, intoxicating and exciting.
Loving in life is to have balance, yet when this love becomes a predictable pattern of such highs and lows that is beginning to cause harm—we can take a step back, especially in the in-between (and a bit after the crash) and reevaluate a bit.
I do so love being captivated by an interest.
And I can also work on loving my normal day-to-day moments too—asking myself: what could help me feel regulated, safe and maybe even able to receive goodness in this moment right now?
We don’t always have to fix. You and I are not projects to be worked on—nor are our lives. We are beautiful and wonderful.
Sometimes it’s beautiful to just ride the wave.
And sometimes it’s just as beautiful and empowering to try something a different way, in order to find our own center. Our own internal balance. Our place in the whirlwind that is this life.
I might have found myself in a black hole this last week, after a hyperfixation crash but I feel much more equip to take on the next one—in the current of this pattern.
And I am looking forward to the next wave.
References:
Still Mind Florida. “What Is Hyperfixation?” Still Mind, 12 Oct. 2022, https://stillmindflorida.com/mental-health/what-is-hyperfixation.
News Medical. “Why Neurodivergent Individuals Hyperfixate.” News-Medical.net, 10 Aug. 2023, https://www.news-medical.net/health/Why-Neurodivergent-Individuals-Hyperfixate.aspx.
Charlie Health. “What Is Hyperfixation?” Charlie Health, 23 Jan. 2023, https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-hyperfixation.
Aron, Arthur, et al. “Reward, Motivation, and Emotion Systems Associated with Early‑Stage Intense Romantic Love.” Journal of Neurophysiology, vol. 94, no. 1, July 2005, pp. 327‑337.
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💬 Join the conversation: If you have come this far in the post, I am sure you have experienced hyperfixations! If you feel comfortable, I’d love to hear a favorite one of yours (I think mine was plants) and also how you manage the “pull from reality” and the crash.
All. The. Time.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It gave me a lot to think about.